There's been a longing in my heart for something more. I could always grow closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ, but I at times want their to be a special guy in my life. I mean, isn't almost every girls dream to have someone special? Of course usually by the time you hit my age, most girls have been on at least one date (not that I'm old or anything). I often get upset at myself though. I finally become content with where I am in life, telling the Lord that I'm waiting on Him, then something happens. A guy gives the wrong message or I find out a nice godly guy is somewhat interested, then I get really excited wondering if this is the "one". Then suddenly, everything vanishes/disinegrates. Then I think, why does this keep happening? Am I putting myself through this, or is this God testing me? It may not be any of these options, just the way life is taking its course. I just sometimes wish that I knew who my future husband was going to be and I wouldn't be tossed back and forth like this. In a way, it's my own fault I guess. God made women, as a whole, as emotional beings. I shouldn't let my emotions or my feelings run the whole show though. I praise God that He is in control and that He has planned out what's going to happen to me in the present and future. One day, I'm probably going to meet someone special and marry him and he'll become the most important human being to me on this earth, but until then, I need to look at singleness as a blessing, serving the Lord in ways that I wouldn't be able to if I were married. Getting my thoughts down on paper sometimes enables me to think better. This may not make any sense at all, but God understands me, because He's the one that created me. Until next time.